Get ready to hear all about the things we lean on when times get rough, bad, or sad. Tons of recommendations comin' at ya!
We firmly believe that one of the best ways to get through times that are bad/dark/weird is to anticipate needing a little extra help dealing when things go sideways and plan accordingly.
In this episode, we talked all about what each of us has in our own break-in-case-of-dark-times kits. You’ll get tons of recommendations, from movies, TV shows, and podcasts to recipes, games and activities, things that will make you feel cozier, and more.
This episode was produced by Rachel and Sally and edited by Lucas Nguyen. Our logo was designed by Amber Seger (@rocketorca). Our theme music is by Tiny Music. MJ Brodie transcribed this episode.
Rachel’s recommendations
Sally’s recommendations
Things we talked about
Rachel: Welcome to Oh I Like That, a podcast about things we like and occasionally things we don't.
Sally: Let's get started. So the first thing to say about this episode, Rachel, is that for full transparency, we are recording this on Friday, October 30th, which in some times in our lives would only be a few days before the election, but at this time in our life it is a full ten to fifteen years before the election.
Rachel: Absolutely. Thank you for bringing that up, Sally, because we are in the thick of it right now and that's strange, but there's nothing we can do about it. So we just wanted to get that out there before we start this conversation that when you are listening to it who knows what world we'll be living in?
Sally: Who knows what world we'll be living in, and we hope that whatever world we're living in this episode is entertaining or distracting or fun or whatever you need it to be.
Rachel: Agree.
Sally: All right. So that seems like a really good place to do a little bit of a vibe check. Rachel, where are you at vibe check wise?
Rachel: I'm actually doing pretty well, all things considered. It is Friday morning, which is always a nice vibe. It has been cold and rainy here this week. Like, extremely English countryside shit. Just, I mean, I'm living for it, especially because there's beautiful leaves throughout the park now, and it's ust that blustery kind of cold rain that feels really refreshing. So I've just been very cozy in my home, lights on, just holed up, feeling pretty good. Also, I just had pumpkin muffins for breakfast. So doing pretty well for myself, I'd say.
Sally: You're definitely curating an entire vibe with the help of nature. And I love it.
Rachel: Thank you. Yeah. I thought you'd appreciate that. What's your vibe this morning, Sally?
Sally: My vibe is that I feel like -- just as a side note, I'm accidentally cultivating a persona where I'm obsessed with Mother Nature.
Rachel: [Laughs]
Sally: So I decided to drop the 'mother' just because I don't want to... that's not a persona I want to lean into.
Rachel: Yeah. I think that if people didn't know you, when listening to this they might get a very different impression of you than the person you actually are based on that. So I think that's a good thing to point out.
Sally: Very, very true. Very true. Yeah. So similarly it's raining and cold where I am. It was yesterday as well. Where I am being Philly, I'm not in a place I'm normally not. And I love it because it feels haunted, it feels appropriate for the season, it feels autumny, it feels Halloweeny. The rain -- it's rain you can hear, which I think is the best kind of rain.
Rachel: Yeah.
Sally: Because it's like, be loud rain or be nothing. You know what I'm saying?
Rachel: Yeah, I agree completely. Yeah. Hit the window with the full strength of yourself or just get out of here.
Sally: Or just get out of here, yeah. So I've been enjoying that. We keep one of our doors open a little bit with a screen so that our cat can sit there and stare out of it for like twelve hours a day, which she's obsessed with, and it allows us to hear the rain. So it's good. So the vibe in that sense feels really good., and in every other sense the vibe changes moment to moment. And we're just going to hang tight and see how things go.
Rachel: Yup, that sounds right. Cool.
Sally: Okay. So I'm super excited to say that people have been into the show and have been contacting us in various ways.
Rachel: It's wonderful. And to say nice things, not horrible things like "Why do you talk like that?"
Sally: Right, which I've gotten many times. Sorry for all the times I say "like", which now you won't be able to stop hearing.
Rachel: [Laughs]
Sally: So yeah. Thank you to everyone who has either tweeted at us, or emailed, or DMed us. Rachel, will you talk about the person who sent their apple stuff?
Rachel: Yeah. So somebody DMed me on Instagram -- I'm not going to use her name because I didn't double check with her before talking about this -- but wanted to say that she listened to our episode and she listened to everything that Sally had to say about apples and apple tasting and was so inspired she told her, I believe it was her husband about it. He went to Trader Joe's and got a bunch of different types of apples on their grocery run, and then they started a little dock with tasting notes.
Sally: Love it.
Rachel: So you've made a positive impact on someone's life already and you've spread the apple gospel far and wide, so that's thrilling. I'm so glad that this person did that and also told us about it because I think both of us love hearing things like that.
Sally: Rachel, I've always said that if I can just change one life with this podcast, it will have all been worth it.
Rachel: [Laughs]
Sally: I'm really excited about that. And I'm also LOLing at myself that I was like, "Hey Rachel, why don't you tell everyone about the thing about me?"
Rachel: [Laughs] Yeah, I actually love it.
Sally: [Laughs] That was not a thing I meant to do. But sometimes we do things we don't mean to, and they're very revealing about our personalities.
Rachel: You told on yourself a little bit there, but it's fine. Because it's a nice story and the world needed to know about it. So I was happy to tell everyone.
Sally: Awesome. Okay, cool. And then we also got an email from someone... we actually got a question on Twitter and an email about our comforter talk. And by the way, if you are on Twitter and you want to tweet at us, we are at @ohilikethatpod so please get involved with us there. And you can also email us at ohilikethatpod@gmail.com just as a listener did to talk about comforters. So this email is from Lucrezia who said, "I wondered if you could share the names of the Ikea comforter slash pillows your Airbnb host had?" (This is for Rachel.) "I'm looking for a new bed set up and I'm dying to know what these fluffy items are." So Rachel, can you help Lucrezia with her bedding situation?
Rachel: Sort of. So I had emailed the Airbnb, or I had messaged the Airbnb host after we stayed in the Airbnb a year ago and went back to check it a few weeks ago because I was like, okay, the time has come, and realized that the only thing they said to me is that everything was from Ikea. And I think at the time I was like, Ikea, okay, got it. How many comforters could there be?
Sally: [Laughs]
Rachel: It turns out there's a lot. And that was a real oversight on my part to not immediately ask what comforters they were, and pillows too. And I went through my phone roll, my camera roll from that time to see if I had taken a picture of the tag or anything like that, which is what I would normally do, and I don't know why I didn't. So I responded to the Airbnb message thread and said, "Hey, I know it's been a while, but I'm actually thinking about buying these. Any chance you know the name?" And just haven't heard anything back yet. So I have spent the past week several tabs deep on my computer trying to decide which comforter to get. I think I'm pretty confident that it was a down comforter just given how fluffy it was and sort of... That's how I've narrowed it down. I could be mistaken, but that's what I'm going with. So there's three different options and basically right now we're trying to decide, do we want light warm or warm, which is a real dilemma. So I will keep you posted because I think eventually we're just going to buy something probably this weekend. But yeah, I really wish I could just go to Ikea and test all these out in person. But in the absence of that, I'm going to just try to make an educated guess and hope for the best.
Sally: Cool. Yeah. This is definitely one of those things that you want to be able to, you know, get your mitts on before you decide. When we were preparing for this show, we were chatting back and forth about matters of comforters and warmth level and down versus other things. And as often happens when we get into a conversation about a thing, we are each on our computers doing a deep dive on the thing and discovering the thing. And so we both ended up, I think, fairly deep in the world of bedding.
Rachel: [Laughs] Yeah.
Sally: One of the things I wanted to recommend to Lucrezia or for anyone who is trying to figure out how to make a comforter choice is the website mattressclarity.com.
Rachel: Mm-hmm [laughs]
Sally: The thing that's amazing about the entire sleep industrial complex is that there are a ton of industry watchdog and critic websites that are just completely devoted to talking in depth about consumer products related to sleep, which I discovered in times I've edited or written content on sleep and, you know, sleep health-related things. So there's an article on mattressclarity.com with the headline 'Baffle Box vs. Sewn-Through Comforters', and it explains the difference between these two popular methods of comfort or construction. And it explains not just the difference, but also the different qualities that you're going to be looking for -- that you 'should' be looking for, should in quotation marks, if you care enough to even go to this website, which tells you a lot about who I am. But it sort of tells you the difference between different comforters and explains how different construction affects them and why some are fluffy and why some aren't. I think you can also just decide based on, like, warmth and budget. I think that kind of makes the most sense. But if you want to go deep, mattressclarity.com is for you.
Rachel: Mm-hmm. Okay, great rec. I will probably be spending some more time there this weekend as well as trying desperately to figure out which of these Ikea comforters is the one for me.
Sally: Yeah. And I would recommend mine because we like it, it's called the Honsbar, but it seems like it's been discontinued. I think they seem to-- Ikea seems to refresh their comforter line every six months or something.
Rachel: Yeah. And there's no sort of... I couldn't find a way that's like, if you liked the Honsbar, this is the new version of it. There's not really any continuity there that is visible to me thus far. But if you know more about Ikea comforters than we do, if you are somebody who works in the bedding department at Ikea, who just happens to be listening to this, please get in touch because I would love to get more info about how to find the perfect Ikea comforter.
Sally: Yeah, same. And if you work in big sleep, in the sleep industrial complex, definitely get in touch with us too, because I have a lot of questions about consumer products.
Rachel: [Laughs]
Sally: Okay. So for this episode, we're going to spend our full time today talking about being okay. Things that make us feel more okay. You know, it's a weird time and it might be a weird time for a lot more time.
Rachel: Yeah. We don't know!
Sally: Who can say.
Rachel: Yeah.
Sally: I think both of us have thought a lot about being okay, and put different strategies and things into place. So we're just going to talk about that. We're going to be talking about the stuff that we like to do and that we plan to do when things get sort of hectic in the world, but also maybe in your heart and in your head. So I'm going to kick us off here and I'm going to say that 95% of the way I spend my time is consuming media of some kind.
Rachel: Yeah.
Sally: I'm either watching TV, watching a movie, playing video games, reading, or playing role-playing games. So what you're going to hear from me are all things of that sort. And I'll try not to spend too much time talking only about TV and movies. Because if you're not a TV/movie person, you know, you just aren't and that's fine. But if you are, perhaps you'll find something here you like. The first thing I want to say is the movie Spy with Melissa McCarthy. Have you seen this, Rachel?
Rachel: I haven't, sell me on it.
Sally: Oh, my God. Okay. So this came out in 2015, it was written and directed by Paul Feig. It's with Melissa McCarthy, Jason Statham, Rose Byrne, Bobby Cannavale, Allison Janney is in it -- perennial fave Allison Janney -- Jude Law. It is so funny.
Rachel: Okay.
Sally: It is so funny. Basically, Melissa McCarthy plays a desk-bound CIA agent who is a handler for Jude Law, who's the actual in the field, suave agent. I don't want to say anything else except for the fact that her life changes and it's so fucking funny. This is like, you know, after the election of 2016 I sort of couldn't consume any of my usual media and neither could my partner. We were just sort of like, what do we do? So we did two things. We watched Sex and the City, which I had never seen -- it was a rewatch for her -- and we watched spy constantly.
Rachel: [Laughs]
Sally: This movie makes me laugh out loud every time I see it.
Rachel: Wow, okay. When was the last time you watched it?
Sally: Probably about six months ago?
Rachel: Okay. So it wasn't just funny in the dark times of 2016. It has held up and proven itself in normal times too?
Sally: It has proven itself time and time again. We stopped renting it, I just bought it. I was like, we're just going to keep watching this.
Rachel: That's nice, yeah.
Sally: It's really funny, and it's goofy, it's really heartwarming, but there's very little in it -- there's almost nothing in it, actually, that's going to remind you of anything going on in the world. So that's great. So escapism without being like Lord of the Rings kind of thing.
Rachel: Gotcha.
Sally: There are very few things in my life where I'm like, "I stand by this, everyone will love it." Except for, like, therapy.
Rachel: Uh-huh [laughs]
Sally: The only other one is maybe this movie Spy.
Rachel: Okay. I mean, I'm convinced. I think I'm going to have to watch this, maybe this weekend.
Sally: Spy squad, report in.
Rachel: [Laughs]
Sally: Spy squad sound off. Okay. The other thing I want to recommend media-wise, just going to go through my media here, is -- I guess maybe I'll just do these two podcasts at the same time. So Professor Blastoff is a podcast that is no longer on, but you can find archives of it on Stitcher. It was co-hosted by Tig Notaro and two other comedians. And basically, what they do is they take a topic and they talk about it as comedians. They often will have a guest on who's an expert in the topic and it's topics like, everything from feminism, to American history, to quantum physics. You do not have to be -- it actually probably helps if you're not interested or know anything about these topics to enjoy it, because basically it's just comedians joking around and kind of roasting each other and roasting the expert in a gentle way.
Rachel: Nice, okay.
Sally: It ended in, I want to say 2013 or 14 or something like that. So you'll notice that they talk about certain issues not the way we would talk about them now. So that's my kind of warning going into it. If that's okay with you, give it a listen. It's really, really funny. If you like Tig Notaro and her humor, you're just seeing her be Tig. The show follows her trajectory. The show starts before she gets C. diff, gets breast cancer, her mom dies, she becomes incredibly famous. That all happens on the show. So you get to see pre-fame Tig, which is really awesome. And funny. The other podcast is Another Round, which is co-hosted by our two former colleagues at Buzzfeed, Tracy and Heben. One of my favorite podcasts of all time.
Rachel: It's really good.
Sally: It's really good.
Rachel: It's so good, I miss them. I miss that podcast.
Sally: Goddammit, it's so good that I'm mad.
Rachel: I know, thank you for reminding me how annoying it is that it no longer exists.
Sally: Yeah, yeah.
Rachel: But they're both doing great things now as they should be. So maybe we can get them on this show sometime.
Sally: That would be incredible. Yeah. I live for just relistening to Another Round. It's really funny, they're really funny, it's really smart, they have great guests, they do great interviews. And it's something I go to a lot when I just want to be absorbed in a really delightful dynamic between two really, really funny people.
Rachel: Yeah. Also if I can shameless plug for a second, I was a guest on there.
Sally: Yeah!
Rachel: So if you're going to listen to it, don't miss my episode.
Sally: Yeah, definitely check that out. Oh man, what a great time for podcasts.
Rachel: [Laughs]
Sally: So those are my recommendations for things that are funny and engaging and thinky. My next recommendation is a gripping series that you can get lost in. Many people love to be just completely absorbed and lost and just don't want to think about reality. So my recommendation for that is Game of Thrones or the TV show The Expanse. Both really dense in terms of the fictional worlds that were created for these -- they're both adaptations of novels and the worldbuilding is so deep and so complex that you can get lost in it. You can think about it. You can obsess about it. Lots of hot people, if I can say that. So lots of hotties to look at and just interesting political commentary and things that'll make you cheer, and also a lot of cliffhangers. So they're both really gripping if you're into fantasy or sci-fi. Even if you're not, actually, I think. I watch The Expanse with my partner and she is not into sci-fi at all, and she's completely into this show. Then I just want to really quickly talk about -- this will be my last entry -- doing things on your own, or that are quasi-social, I think for me are really nice things to do when things feel really dark and I'm trying to be okay. Because being alone too much starts to sort of feel bad, but I also don't really have the energy and/or the interest to be like super social. So a couple of things I want to recommend. One is doing a secret stanza with a group of friends, which is basically a secret Santa, except that you exchange poems.
Rachel: Oh, that's so nice.
Sally: This is found poems, not writing poems, although if that's your jam, please do it.
Rachel: [Laughs] Thank you for clarifying.
Sally: I did the secret stanza group, and I had a couple people be like, "I'm not writing poems, how dare you ask me?" And I was like, no, no, no, it's not that.
Rachel: That's really funny.
Sally: And so, you know, the only requirement is that they be relatively short, no sending epic poems. And there's a bunch of free websites that you input the people in your group and then they match you up and they alert people. So it's really easy to set up.
Rachel: So I have a question.
Sally: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
Rachel: What's the delivery mechanism? Is it like everyone exchanges one poem and it lands on your inbox on the same day, and then you read it and are like, thank you for the poem. Do you do it again? Logistically, how does this work?
Sally: Great question, thank you for asking it. So the way we did it was we set a day and a time when we would all exchange, we did it over email and it was just sort of like, you know, talk individually with the person who sent you a poem or who you sent a poem to, if you want to, because this group wasn't that interested in-- it was at a point early in the pandemic where it was like, "Give me a nice thing in my inbox, don't make me talk to you, I don't want to."
Rachel: That's nice, yeah. Yeah.
Sally: But you could totally do it. You could create a group chat for it and share things. And you know, I was going back and forth with someone who sent me a poem and talking about what I loved about it. And they were telling me what it made them think of and stuff like that. So you can totally make it as interactive or as not as you want.
Rachel: That's really nice. I think this might be a dumb thing to say, but I feel like poetry is underrated.
Sally: It's not dumb. It's so true.
Rachel: I don't know a lot of poems, and so the ones that I do know well, I sort of treasure. And when people have reached out to me to either give me a poem personally, or have posted in a dark time, here's a poem and I've been able to read it, it to me is such a gift. I think it's so special. So if you are somebody who's good at poems in terms of knowing them and knowing which one to share with people, do that because it's so special and nice. And I think the secret stanza sounds great.
Sally: Yeah. Thank you. And you can also Google 'short, good poems', you know what I mean? A lot of the people in the group were like, "I'm not really that much of a poetry person." I have like a handful of things I like, and I tend to recycle them.
Rachel: I mean, even having... I would say I have, like, five poems that I quote-unquote 'know'. I couldn't read them to you, or recite them. But I know them, I could find them easily. Having more than that, I think, is special and remarkable. But yeah, I don't know. I think if you don't follow poetry and you're not in that world, it can be hard to figure out who the good curators are and Googling or going to poetry.com actually works quite well to find things. I think it's poetry.com that really does a good job of organizing things by mood, for holidays, for types of situations. They're experts. They're really good at this. And they find a good mix of poems and poets.
Sally: Totally. Yeah. I totally agree. That's an awesome way to find things. The last thing I want to say, and then I want to throw it to you because I'm desperate to hear yours, is: I really like playing role-playing games, you know, Dungeons & Dragons is the one people are going to be most familiar with, but there are also role-playing games that you can do on your own or with another person and you don't have to do them in real time. So there is a subgenre called solo journaling RPGs. They're essentially like, you're immersed in a game world of some kind and the way you participate is by writing a paragraph, you might flip a card that gives you a prompt, a deck of playing cards, or roll a die. But I want to plug a couple specific ones because they're really immersive, they get you to think and reflect if you want to, or they allow you to sort of escape. They can really be whatever you want them to be. So the first one I want to recommend is called Wait For Me, which is kind of a time travel journaling game where basically you get a prompt every day and the prompts explain to you how you're traveling through different times in your own life. And you just write and reflect. You can draw, you can paste objects into your journal, whatever. You could do it in a notepad app if you want. But it just kind of gets you to think a little bit about your past self and your present self and maybe your future self, as well as past relationships and present relationships. And it's just really fun. It's interactive. I really, really dig it. And then there are other ones -- if you go to itch.io and you look for solo RPGs, you'll find a bunch more that you can do by yourself or with another person. There's another one -- this is kind of what I was talking about, the quasi-social thing -- there's a game called Strange Places, which you play with a friend by writing letters in the mail. And the game gives you prompts of what's going on and you draw playing cards just from a standard deck, and that gives you a prompt about what you're going to write about. And I'm starting a game of it with our editor Lucas, as soon as we both get decks of playing cards, which somehow neither of us already own.
Rachel: [Laughs]
Sally: So anyway, I think these RPGs that you play by yourself, technically they're games, but they're also just journaling prompts in a way. So if that sounds interesting to you, you might be into it. That's all my stuff for being okay. And I want to kick it over to you, Rachel, because I want to hear yours because I want to probably do all of them.
Rachel: Okay, great. I wanted to say one thing on the note of things that are semi-social. My girlfriend and I were talking last night about the 2016 election and how we kind of realized that both of us were single and living alone in the months following and for a while afterward, and we were just kind of reflecting on what it was like to be alone during that time. And I think there's been a lot of talk during the pandemic about loneliness and isolation, but this is just a reminder and a PSA that it is really hard to not have anyone to just talk to when really big news events are happening and to just vent to or chat with. So if you are alone, you know, reach out, but if you are somebody who's not alone, reach out to the people who are. It doesn't have to be really overly fussy and just like, "Oh my God, how are you?" But just remember that those people are alone and might benefit from somebody to just talk to about these things, or about anything. Just be extra, I don't know, be an extra friend right now, if you can.
Sally: I love that. And also particularly because a lot of people who live alone have been extremely alone for months and months and months.
Rachel: Yeah. I think some of the things that you were just suggesting where people can connect with each other in a sort of structured way are great for this, because it's something to look forward to and consistency is great. So yeah. I love all these suggestions extra right now, because I think everyone really needs their social connections more than ever.
Sally: Nice. Awesome. Awesome.
Rachel: Okay, cool. So I will share some of mine with you, Sally. I don't have much in the way of media because I am not as much of a TV person and I can probably recommend some books if you're having a hard time actually. So maybe that'll be a follow-up segment of just like, here's some grief reading, because I've been meaning to put together a reading list for ages on this. So I'm going to recommend a few things though that are a bit light and fun on the TV front. So the first recommendation I have is Jane the Virgin. I haven't watched the last few seasons, but I watched this a lot in 2015-2016 when I was going through my separation and then divorce. And it's based on a telenovela, it was on the CW originally. It's just really funny, really well edited, just a really good sort of... I don't know, it's like drinking LaCroix or something. It's a good, bubbly, fun time. But the thing that I really loved about it was that it's ultimately about a woman who's going through-- she's just in this completely surreal world and her life has been turned upside down in a way she just didn't see coming. And there was something about watching somebody else's life look like that, that I could think about hers instead of mine. And so I found that just, I don't know, it's just well-written, it's funny, it's good. Like I said, I haven't watched the last few seasons, so I can't speak to what happened then, how it ended. If it went off the rails, I have no idea. But the first few seasons were one of the things that kept me entertained and laughing and just totally absorbed. I watched 23 episodes in a weekend, which is not something I do and it was probably a sign that I was not doing great, but it is also a testament to how absorbing I found the show. So really recommend that. And then the other thing that I'll recommend that we're going to talk about in a future episode in more depth, but if you've talked to me recently, you've been forced to hear me talk about Real Housewives, which I am just discovering and highly recommend Real Housewives of Potomac. I tell everyone to start with season two and then go back and watch season one later. Season one isn't as good to me, and it's more fun to watch it when you already know who the people are and it's like a bonus season, but if you start there, you might be like, "I don't get what the fuss is all about," because it was kind of a different show. So now we're watching Real Housewives of New York. And again, it's not totally detached from reality. Like, obviously there's politics in everything we do, but it's just, like, campy, and sometimes it's nice to just look at other people's drama that is not our real-world drama. So it's another one to keep in the back of your mind as something to tune into. We started with season three of New York. I would probably actually recommend starting with season five personally, but Real Housewives fans are going to be mad at me for saying that
Sally: Sound off, Real Housewives squad.
Rachel: [Laughs]
Sally: Sound off in the comments. I've never seen any of the Real Housewives shows, but I'm sure that that is going to end soon. I will definitely watch Potomac, but to me, one of the things that seems like it's the best part of watching these shows is that you have so much stuff to talk about with your friends, because you can be like, "So-and-so did this and that, can you believe that?" And then before you know it, you're deep in a really interesting conversation about why people are the way they are, and toxic this and whatever that. And to me that makes it like when you're in school and the professor is like, "Read this thing and then discuss it." It's that, which is awesome.
Rachel: Absolutely.
Sally: Because it's rewarding twice. You get to watch it and then you get to discuss it, which seems so fun to me.
Rachel: Yeah, I agree. It has a social element -- or it can if you want it to, even if it's just going on Reddit and reading what other people think about what just happened. But yeah, there's definitely this desire to like, "Oh my God, I have to talk about it." And there are many people who are going to be willing to talk about it with you. So that has been really wonderful. So those are my media recommendations, but more to come in terms of things that are sad and will be sort of sad with you.
Sally: Nice.
Rachel: So the other thing that I have been thinking about is the nice things in your physical space, in your home, to think about and to prepare. So I really like soft things. I've noticed about myself that when I'm sad or not doing well, I will start buying blankets and just soft, soft things. Or I will find myself -- like, if I'm on page seven of the Anthropologie furniture category, it's time for a check-in because I'm looking at all these velvet chairs and all these things that I'm not going to buy, but there's something about... it's like a child who wants a teddy bear. When I'm feeling sad, I want comfort objects. So one thing I'm thinking about right now -- in 2016 I had a really comfortable robe that I had bought, or I think it was a press gift, but I had gotten it before the election. And I was so glad that I had it and just had really fluffy pillows and sheets and socks and that kind of thing. So my recommendation is to swath yourself in whatever soft things you can find, whether that's a blanket, whether that is a pillow, a cozy fleece jacket, whatever the case may be. I think that really helps. And the other thing -- I don't know about you, Sally, but after the election in 2016, I made some purchases, sort of don't even remember making them. But one of the things that I bought was a Diptyque candle, which is not soft, but it's that similar, cozy, lovely, really expensive. I don't think you need a really fancy candle to get the same effect, but just candles in general can... I don't know. There's something about lighting a candle that not only makes your space feel beautiful and cozy, but it is also, there's a reverence that comes along with lighting candles. And I think that people have been lighting candles in times of sadness and grief for a very long time. And so I think it can help you connect to that, and it just makes everything feel a little bit more special and spiritual, and it's also just literally bright and nice.
Sally: Totally.
Rachel: So this is a time to take out your old candles or maybe buy a new one if you can, to help brighten your space a little bit.
Sally: Yeah. I just wanted to say, I think that's so important about candles that they feel ritualistic, even if the ritual is 'it would be nice to have a candle lit right now' or 'I feel sad, I want a candle'. Just because or most people in the modern world, they're probably not an every single day occurrence, so it just feels special to do it. And the other thing I want to say about soft things is, if you can swaddle yourself in a million soft things and be in a soft things burrito, that's amazing. But if you also have one thing, if you have one amazing pair of socks that you pull on and you just feel like you're slipping into a Calgon, Take Me Away bath, that's also great, you know?
Rachel: Yeah. You don't need to buy every thing on the market. It's also just looking at what you have. Like, if you have a robe, put it on. If you've got a blanket, drag it around with you like Linus. Lean into the things that you already have or pull them out of storage and dust them off. Now is the time to look for... I don't know. It's like using what you have when you can.
Sally: Agreed.
Rachel: You don't necessarily need to get something new. So, highly recommend soft things.
Sally: Can I just say, we need to normalize walking around holding a blanket over you like you do when you're a kid at the beach with a towel. Normalize wearing blankets.
Rachel: Agreed. In some future episode, we can talk about the Comfy, which is normalizing wearing blankets for you. It's a thing that my mom bought me after seeing it on the Home Shopping Network, and it's basically like somebody was like, "The Snuggie is a good start. What if we made it 10 times more luxurious and also huge?" It will swallow you. The box she sent... I don't even know how I can store this in my apartment, this thing is so big. The box she sent it in was massive. It's beautiful, it's so soft. It's got a hood, a giant pocket on the front.
Sally: [Gasps] A pocket, oh my god.
Rachel: So if you want to carry your blanket around with you, the Comfy is one way to do that, that I can recommend.
Sally: I am absolutely investing in the Comfy line as soon as we're done recording this.
Rachel: Yeah, I think given this pandemic winter ahead, that wouldn't be a terrible choice to make.
Sally: Totally.
Rachel: So in terms of other things to do, I think thinking about food and what you can do to have comfort food handy and not have to feed yourself -- not have to make something new every single day, is a good move. So I've talked about this Ziti before that I've made several times. The recipe is from The Kitchen, we'll link to it, but it is so good. It's ultimately not that difficult to make. It's kind of like a Sunday afternoon thing, but you could do it on a weeknight. But the thing that I love about it is that it reheats so well and it freezes well. So, you know, I think finding ways to feed yourself when you're going through a hard time is so important. And if you can get yourself to do something upfront, do a little bit of work so that you have something to eat throughout the week or that you can put in the freezer, highly recommend it. Especially if you're really worried, like, seasonal depression is coming, what can I do? It might be worth making this now while you're still doing relatively okay and freezing it so you have it later. So yeah, the Ziti recipe is one that I plan to make a lot this winter.
Sally: And this is the Ziti, right, that Andrea made?
Rachel: Yeah.
Sally: Yeah, so my partner got this recipe from Rachel and first of all, let me just say, Spent the entire week getting the ingredients and saying to me how psyched she was about the Ziti.
Rachel: It's so special.
Sally: It was definitely -- first of all, we got to eat it for many days, which was great, but it was also something that she looked forward to making for days and days and days.
Rachel: Mm-hmm.
Sally: It is the gift that keeps on giving. It is so good, and we ate it for days. We never got sick of it. I can't recommend more the Ziti.
Rachel: Yeah, it's wonderful. So we'll link to it, but highly recommend that. You can also double it. That's what I usually do when I make it for parties, and you just basically have to cook it in two separate containers or do one batch and then cook the second one. But if you want to have even more, you can double it while you're making it. And it's just so good. So then in terms of activities, I think I always recommend puzzles if you want to keep your hands busy, if you're stuck in a scrolling rut, if you can't get off your phone or if you just don't know what else to do a puzzle is good because it requires so little mental energy, ultimately. Like, yes, you are trying to solve something, but it is not usually... I mean, if you are really worried about it you might want to get a 500 piece puzzle. And Terry Post gave me the recommendation of, if you're a beginner or if you just want something easier, look for puzzles that have really clear grids. So like, books on a bookshelf would be something where you're like, "These are all things in a row." They're very clearly delineated, so things like that can make it easier. But I just recommend having a few puzzles on hand always so that you can do them when you're walking around like, "I don't know what else to do, I don't know what to do with my hands, I just need to be doing something right now. that's not my phone, but what? I'm kind of bored." A puzzle is a really good option, and you can always put on a podcast or something while you're doing it. But also you don't have to. It's a meditative activity without actually being meditating, which is one of the things that I really like about it.
Sally: You know, I edited something when I was at Self about-- a writer wrote an essay about knot tying, and basically studying different kinds of knots, learning them on YouTube videos and then just tying knots as something therapeutic to do. And she linked to a bunch of research that I was looking at as I edited, where researchers have studied the mental health benefits of activities where you're concentrating on a task and your hands are occupied. And I mean, you know, it's not going to cure your depression or something.
Rachel: Right.
Sally: But you know, people reported just feeling good and being absorbed in the task, which I thought was really interesting, and puzzles are the exact same thing.
Rachel: Totally.
Sally: You're solving a problem. Your hands are occupied and you're focused on that. You can't really do a puzzle without being focused on the task, right?
Rachel: Agree. Right. And I think that there is something to dealing with a problem you can solve when everything else feels really out of control.
Sally: Yes.
Rachel: Just knowing that there is an answer and knowing, even the puzzles that are the most frustrating, you know that if you just work on it, you can solve it. And I think that's a really good feeling, that you're going to win this in the end. And I think that is really helpful when you're feeling really stressed out or helpless in your own life.
Sally: Man, I love that. Yeah. Definitely.
Rachel: The other thing I wanted to recommend is finding some ways to connect with nature when you're feeling down. I found that when I'm feeling really overwhelmed, it actually is helpful to me to let myself be more overwhelmed by the vastness of nature or even the built environment. So this is the episode where I'm going to be the one who's more obsessed with nature than I think I am in real life. But I think there's something about being around extremely tall trees or a body of water or a giant bridge that you're just like, "Oh, I am very small." And weirdly, even though you're already feeling kind of small and low, there's something for me about connecting with these things that have been here for years, that are going to be here for years, that make me feel sort of that awe, and better, ultimately, about the world. It helps put things in perspective for me. And I mean, there's multiple reasons why connecting with nature is a good idea, in terms of your brain and just all the things that it does for you in terms of helping you calm yourself and relax and be soothed. But for me, there's that added level of, if you can go to the type of nature that makes you feel overwhelmed by how big it is -- and in New York, it's usually for me just going to the water. These rivers aren't that... I don't want to say they're not that impressive, but they're, I don't know everyone jokes about the New York rivers. You know what I mean? It's not like the most magical river, but still, there's something about how big they are and how old they are that just is really soothing and really overwhelming in the exact right way that I tend to need. So I recommend that. In normal times, I would also recommend going to a natural history museum, because in the past that's been really helpful for me to just be like, "Wow, so, human history. You mean I'm not the first person to feel sad, is that what you're telling me?"
Sally: [Laughs]
Rachel: And that has been really helpful for me. And I know that people feel differently about things like space and evolution in terms of it can be really overwhelming and sort of existential in the wrong way. But if that's something that does make you feel better, I recommend finding a way to connect with that. And no matter how small, even just looking at plants has been shown to make people feel better. So interacting with nature doesn't have to be going into the woods and going camping. It can be as simple as looking at the trees in your neighborhood and trying to identify them. I have a trees of New York City identification book that I really recommend. So it's little things like that. It's also fresh air, getting outside, those are just good things. So don't forget about nature if you're feeling really, really bad.
Sally: Yeah. I love that. And I also love -- we've been watching this show called Gardeners' World, we've been watching on Amazon Prime. And it's been on since like the sixties with different hosts, and it's just people gardening and talking about gardening. And I'm not into gardening, although my partner is, but it's actually gotten me to notice a lot more of the natural world, just in my neighborhood. When I walk around and I see either flowers or plants or trees, I feel like I'm having that sort of relationship to them that you're talking about where you're just, "Oh, this is a thing, and it fits into a taxonomy in the natural world and in nature." And I don't think you have to care that deeply about nature to find it really fascinating and interesting and comforting. So I love that. I love just walking around with-- I have a plant ID app and I just take pictures of things and I'm like, "Oh, that's this kind of plant. Cool."
Rachel: Yeah. It's nice. It makes you feel connected to your neighborhood and to your community in a different way that I think is really soothing and really, really good to have. So another thing that I wanted to recommend was something that I did in November or December of 2016. And that was, I got a couple incarcerated penpals. There are a bunch of programs that can help connect you to people who are incarcerated, who have said that they want a penpal. There's writeaprisoner.com. There is Black and Pink, which helps you connect to LGBTQ incarcerated people specifically. We'll link to some of these in the show notes, but it's one of those things that if you Google it, it's very easy to find. So most of these sites will have a lot of filters you can search by. So you can say, I want to talk to somebody in my state, or if you want to reach somebody who's black or whatever race you are, or is queer, you can easily search for those things. And then there's also people who are looking for romance versus just a friend to write to. So there's a lot of different ways you can find people. I really encourage it if you have some extra time on your hands, if you are feeling down and want to do something. I think what drew me to it in 2016 was, I was so sad about the election and I just was like, okay, what are the issues that I care about? Who am I most worried for? What can I personally do to help the people I'm most worried for? And I think I just was kind of poking around and this came up as an opportunity. And I was like, that seems great. So I wrote to two people for a long time actually. We kept our correspondence going. You should probably plan to be able to write about once a month. It can take a little longer just because the prison mail system is not the best in the world, but it's great. It's one of those things that's very mutually beneficial. It's essentially like you're making a new friend. Prison is awful, it's so dehumanizing and it's so boring. And I think being able to provide a little entertainment, a connection to the outside world is great. Do that for them, but also do it for yourself if you're feeling shitty and down, which is how I was feeling. So I highly recommend it. One of the people I wrote to kind of dropped off after a little while, which was a bummer, but one of the women I was writing to, we wrote for years, it was so great. She got released recently.
Sally: That's amazing.
Rachel: We still follow each other on Instagram and are friends on Facebook, and it was just a really lovely thing. And so I think one of the things I'm planning to do this weekend is think a little bit about what does that look like in 2020? For me, it might be finding a new pen pal, I think it's something I've been meaning to do. So I'm like, I need to get back to that. But I think just in general, putting some time into, if you're feeling bad about the state of the world, if you're feeling worried about other people, what can you do personally to make other people's lives better? Volunteering is always something that's recommended when you're having a rough time, when you're struggling. Obviously if you're in a really bad place that might not be something you can really do or access, it's like you're the one who needs the outreach, and I think that's okay to admit about yourself. But if you do feel like you have a little bit of mental space or time or money or energy, it's a good thing to keep in mind. Look outside yourself, it really does help.
Sally: That's a great recommendation. I love that. So I think that kind of does it for our Being Okay 101. I mean, I think we could also each record five more episodes, just on that.
Rachel: Absolutely. And I think this will be probably an ongoing theme. I think in a lot of ways, everything we talk about on this show is a form of self-care and community care and being okay, so we will return to this again and again. And maybe we need to keep a masterlist of all our recommendations or something like that.
Sally: That's a really good idea.
Rachel: But I also encourage people, you should keep a masterlist of your own recommendations, because it can be hard to remember when you're spinning out, what was that thing that I said I was going to do? Or what was that movie that Sally recommended? So keeping a notes doc or a Google doc, or writing it down and sticking it on your fridge, I think is a good idea so you can remember in tough moments what the things are, what the tools you have are.
Sally: I totally agree, because the last thing you want to do when you're feeling terrible is have to solve the problem of what kinds of activities should I do. You don't want to have to solve that problem when you're feeling terrible, you want to rely on the past version of you who solved that problem for you.
Rachel: Absolutely.
Sally: Totally. Okay, so with that, before we end, let's talk about a nice thing to end on. Rachel, do you want to kick us off?
Rachel: My nice thing to end on is related to what we were just talking about, but one of the things I'm planning to do this weekend is to think about, in any election scenario, what are the things that I've been most upset and frustrated by this year that I want to work on? And I mean at a political and civic level that I want to work on in 2021. Like, what do I want my causes to be? Where do I want to put my time and energy? Whether that's voting reform or any number of other things. So I want to do something this weekend where I map out, regardless of who wins, what will I do in 2021 to push the things I care about forward? And in part, I want to do that to hold myself accountable. If Democrats win the Senate or the White House, I don't want to lose the momentum that I've felt this year of wanting to do more, for the past four years. So I think for me, it's a way to remind myself that this doesn't end in November, it doesn't end in January, and regardless of who wins, we have to keep pushing forward. And I think people did a really good job of that actually in 2016. And that's what got us to the point that we've been at this year with the protests this summer. And so I want to make sure that I personally am doing something. So my nice thing to end on is just a reminder that, you know, change doesn't just happen in election year -- quite often that's not when it happens. So I'm really thinking about, what are the things I want to do to make that change keep happening forever -- or at least for the next, I'm going to take it one year at a time, but what do I want to do in 2021?
Sally: Oh, that's so awesome. I love that. Yeah, so mine is kind of similar, but it's a little bit more looking into the shorter term, which is just that I am getting a thousand texts and emails a day from different organizations that I've signed up to get a thousand texts and emails from. And they're all doing different kinds of work around the election and election defense and voter protection and stuff like that. And what I need to do now, a few days before the election, and when you're listening to this a couple of days after the election, and what I will need to continue to do for many months, I think, is figure out which of these organizations... Which of the things I could do is the thing that feels, like you're saying Rachel, I feel most connected to, or I feel I'd be best at? Because there's just a ton of stuff to do. There's a lot of things to do on election day itself, and then in the days after as ballots are counted and so on. And so my nice thing to end on is, you know, I realize that this can sound overwhelming and sort of scary, but I actually do think it's a nice thing to look at and be reminded of the fact that there are people who have been mobilizing, not just for the past few years, but for the past few years plus decades and generations, to fight for social justice and to make our democracy more of a democracy than it currently is.
Rachel: Yeah.
Sally: And to make voting a thing that is actually accessible and fair for people, which it's presently not. And you know, that work goes on after the actual election.
Rachel: Right.
Sally: I like being reminded that I'm just, you know, and we talked about this on our first episode, but I'm just someone who's interested in social justice, just like thousands of people have been for generations, and I have a part to play. And so I'm going to be figuring out what that looks like for the next few weeks and months. Anyway, that's my nice thing. My nice thing is just that we're all in this together and we're all going to keep working hard. And sometimes I feel very dark and very bad, but I'm sure what I'm trying to lean into right now is that a lot of people are working really, really hard. Okay, so I think that does it for this episode. Thank you for tuning into Oh I Like That. Thank you to everyone who's been listening. Please do rate us and review us on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts. It's very, very helpful for us.
Rachel: You can follow us on Twitter @ohilikethatpod and email us at ohilikethatpod@gmail.com. You can also follow the two of us. I'm @the_rewm and Sally is @sallyt.
Sally: Oh I Like That is produced by Rachel and Sally and edited by Lucas. Amber Seger designed our logo and MJ Brodie transcribes our episodes.